Looking at a list of 2013's films, it appears that there are no fewer than 110,000 sequels.
Well, maybe it just seems like that many. And maybe it's just me, but isn't that sort of troubling?
I've complained about this before — I think we have all complained about this before — but Hollywood seems to be running out of new ideas. Or not even trying to find them. It's almost as if they're all about the money or something.
Some of the sequels are worth getting excited about. "Star Trek into Darkness," for example, not only furthers a beloved concept and cast of characters, but it comes on the heels of a successful franchise reboot. And I'm looking forward, to a lesser degree, to "Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters." I'd also be remiss to not mention "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire," which is not really a sequel as much as a second installment in a series. However, it is clearly one of the most anticipated films of the year.
Then there's "Paranormal Activity 5," which should really be called "Paranormal Activity 5: Because You've Shown You Will Keep Paying to See the Same Concept Repackaged Over and Over and Over."
The conga line of familiar names and faces begins next month, with Bruce Willis again treating us to the manly combination of one-liners and explosions in "A Good Day to Die Hard."
Bruce times 3
I can't complain too much about the "Die Hard" movies, because I keep paying to see them. Willis should have gotten old years ago. Wait — he did get old years ago. Unfortunately, some of us just can't get enough of action heroes complaining about nearly breaking their hips while they shoot bazookas at people.
If that concept works for you, then check out Willis the following month in "G.I. Joe: Retaliation." Then, in August, he does the retired CIA agent with an attitude thing again in "Red 2."
I wonder if they'll use some of the same scenes to save money.
March also brings us "The Last Exorcism Part II." That must be one long exorcism.
In April, America gets treated to "Scary Movie 5," which should be retitled "Lindsay Lohan's Last Picture Show."
May and June bring "Iron Man 3" and "Kick-Ass 2." Doing more Marvel Comics movies after "The Avengers" is like trying to sell tickets to an exhibition game between football's two worst teams the day after Super Bowl.
"Despicable Me 2" comes out in July. The first one was such a nice surprise; why beat the story to death?
August will be my wife's favorite month of film viewing, as naked, sword-wielding Spartans with six-pack abs return for "300: Rise of an Empire." September brings "Cloudy 2: Revenge of the Leftovers." That prompts no reaction from me, since I didn't see "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs." My kids liked it, but they also think that Carly Rae Jepsen is a masterful songwriter.
Noteworthy sequels continue in December, with the resurrection of Ron Burgundy in "Anchorman: The Legend Continues," and "Bad Santa 2," in which the only way Billy Bob Thornton could top the original is … actually, he can't. This could turn really ugly.
December also is supposed to produce a new Jack Ryan movie, according to www.movieinsider.com, which may not be such a great idea, as we've only had 11 years to recover from Ben Affleck's turn in the role.
It's all too much. We need to force Hollywood to come up with fresh ideas.
Now, excuse me while I put "The Little Mermaid 9: Sea of Vengeance" in the DVD for my 4-year-old.