We didn't get a Target Lady sketch from Saturday Night Live, but we got something better: reassurance that the retailer is here for all of our family avoidance needs during Thanksgiving week.
Feel free to take advantage of their 500 parking spots to stare off into oblivion, or perhaps make eye contact with a stranger who's there for the same reason.
Or go inside and rationalize why you need some budget Mossimo sportswear in your wardrobe, or have a seat in the bra section and add random numbers on your phone's calculator app.
Still not soothing enough? "You can go to our toy department and just lay down back there."
And when you're ready to go home, just tell your family they didn't have what you needed, secure in the knowledge that Target will keep your secret.